I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
