When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
