Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
