he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
