Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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