I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
