how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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