i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
