If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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