It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
