Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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