I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
