The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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