It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
