Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
