You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize