worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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