if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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