well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
