It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
