Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
