I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was born a porn star she said
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
