therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
