you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
