Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
