I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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