And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
