Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
