oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
