Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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