You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
