Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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