Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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