My hand turned me down
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
