if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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