she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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