I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
