Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
