my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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