I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
