hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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