you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
