and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
