Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
