I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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