I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize