she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Terrible idea I love it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
