If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
