The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
