I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
