They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
is that a dick in a sweater?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
