I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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