Yo dont text me then not text me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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