Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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