so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
