shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
