I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
50% drunk capacity currently
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
