i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize