she woke up with a sticky ear
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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