First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
