The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
