I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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