I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
