im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
