oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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