you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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