You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
