worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
