I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
