i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
