is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize