I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
