If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
