Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
