She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
