Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
