She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
