Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
