Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just invented taco cereal.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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