Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
