So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
