So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blood and glitter go together right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
