I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
