everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize