At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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