Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
