I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize