dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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