The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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