I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
