I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
