the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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