You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
