Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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