I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
