We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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