Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
