Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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