ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
