My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
