I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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