I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
