highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
