Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
