Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
