I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
