Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize