what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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