So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
